Child Abduction is Not Funny

Child Abduction is Not Funny

At the Stoley Kevin's Parent's are watching the news about Child Abduction...during the time Tweek was flicking through like a scared rabbit.

TV: And it seems there's a new danger to look out for: children who are taken by strangers. The bottom line: children are not safe... in their own homes!

Kevin:  What Do You Mean? We ain't safe in our own house. 

Marnie:  It's all bull crap, trying to scare us and make news....uh I hope [she says nervously] 

Kevin: Lets...just hope so ay. 

Ms Stoely: It's time for bed kids. 

Later That Night In Marnie's Bedroom.

It's nighttime and Marnie is has a nightmare about every adult got taken away by aliens then all the kids get abducted by zombies

Marnie: [wakes up]  w..what the hell? [she gets out of bed and heads into kitchen to get a glass of water, it's 2pm in the middle of the night and she hears police cars outside her street] whaa?  [she runs outside and see's everyone in town outside there house in their Pjs.] 

Officer: Alright Johnson, give it up!

Ghost Of Human Kindness: [strikes his scepter to the ground with each expletive] Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn! [four officers close in with guns drawn. Tweek steps aside] Oh, I was so close!

Tweek: What the hell is going on?

Ms Tweek:  Tweek, Tweek, are you okay?

Richard: Did he hurt you, son?

Tweek: No. 

Detective: Then we aren't too late. His name is Frederick Johnson. He's been abducting children by dressing up like the Ghost of Human Kindness for over a year now.

Ghost Of Human Kindness: And I would have gotten away with it again if it weren't for you meddling policemen! 

Liane: What's going on?

Sharon: A stranger was caught trying to abduct the Tweek boy.

Shelia: the Broflovskis arrive in their pajamas] An abductor in our town?

Tom: Oh my God, what are we gonna do?

Marnie: [walks up to Kevin, Craig & Clyde]  w-what is happening? 

Kevin:  I don't know...the news guy was right. 

Craig:  That sucks.

Clyde: Yeah and he tried to rape and take Tweek into his van.

Marnie:  Oh my god...poor Tweek

Tom: Son...we are going home...you can talk to your little friends tomorrow. 

Craig: ok.

The next day...the parents gave everyone child tracker to wear on there heads when they ain't home...later on that day the boys come back to a baseball game with no team...the  boys are annoyed but the parents are all having a good time.

Jimbo: [raises a mug of beer] South Park Cows do it again!
Sharon: Congratulations on your victory, boys. [Cartman is already eating a slice of pizza]
Kyle: Dude, we weren't playing anybody.
Randy: Yeah, and you kicked ass!
Roger: Isn't it awesome havin' a great wall around our city? Nobody in town except for our good friends.
Richard: [calling attention to the TV] Guys! Sh, quiet everyone. [the news is on]
TV NEWS: in gray jacket] And this newest study reveals more about child abductions than we apparently knew before, Tom. [the adults move closer to the TV]
Sharon: Turn it up.

TV Tom: That's right, Chris. This newest study shows that the majority of child abductions are NOT committed by strangers, but by somebody the child knows in their own town. [the adults start looking at the others around them, at each other.] The report further states that it is because the child trusts the individual that problems occur in the first place.
TV Chris: Well, I guess this means the enemy is in our own backyard, so to speak.
TV Tom: Sure does, Tom.
TV Chris: Alright, thanks, Chris. Is the weather going to turn su- [click. The parents go to their kids and they depart one by one]

Richard: Well, if you'll all excuse us, I think we'll be going now. [takes Tweek, and the family leaves. Stan, Kyle, and Cartman remain, eating]
Gerald: [walks up] Yeah. Come along, Kyle [the Broflovskis leave. Stan and Cartman remain]
Sharon: Stanley, time for us to get back to the house.
Stan: [mouth full] I'm not done with my pizza.
Sharon: NOW, Stanley! 
Roger: Yes come along Clyde [he grabs clyde] 

THE TUCKERS

   

It's the night afterwards and Craig is hanging out with Marnie, watching Red Racer, while there parents are home...

Craig: wow now that was a good episode.

Marnie: have'nt you seen it before?

Craig: yes...like 5 times [Marnie laughs] 

Tom: Craig...your friend's parents want her home right now.

Craig: dude...no...you guys are dumb. 

Tom: Craig...we are doing this for your safety, do you want her parents to take you away and abduct you. 

Marnie: WHAT? they wouldn't do that...

Tom:  it's for Craig and your safety. 

Marnie:  I suppose...i'll be leaving...see ya Craig [she walks out the door, and heads home]

Craig: [craig glares at his dad] Dude...I'm trying to impress this chick you..see and [Tom just stops him before he can finish] 

Tom: CRAIG! just go up to your room and lock all the windows.

[South Park Elementary. The bell rings and the class begins. Mr. Mackey is at the board. ]

Mr Mackey: M'kay, kids, so, now, who can tell me what year the first moon landing took place? [a shot of the class with all parents present] Uh, how about you, Clyde?

Roger:  whispers into Clyde's ear] Nineteen six-

Mr Mackey:  No helping! [Roger looks around, embarrassed, and stands up] M'kay, I'm not really sure havin' all the parents here is a good idea, m'kay?

Richard: Well, maybe things could be better if we could trust people like the Stotches!

Chris: Us? Your family's all be the shifty-eyed ones!

Richard: Oh Yeah? [the parents start to ague]

Mr Mackey: Oh, this is too much to take. [goes to his desk, where his own parents wait, and sits down.] Mom, Dad, could you please leave me alone?

Mr Mackey's Dad:  We just wanna make sure nobody hurts you, Junior, m'kay?

Mr Mackey: M'kay.

South Park, next day. The families gather on a neighborhood street. The parents are hugging their kids

Randy: [hands Stan some money] Here you go, Stanley. This should hold you over for three years.

Stan:   But why do I have to leave?

Randy: The news says that at your age you aren't safe with us, son. You have to get out of here before we abduct you.

Sharon: Good-bye, son. [hugs Stan and sobs softly] Remember to eat right.

Gerald: [wistfully] Look out for your brother, Kyle. You're the man now.

Sheila: Oh, boys! Don't ever forget that we love you! [Gerald hugs Kyle, Sheila hugs Ike. They begin to cry, and the other adults follow. They leave their kids and huddle, then turn around, crying all the while]

Linda:  Be careful out there!

Stan: Where are we supposed to go?

Randy: We can't tell you because we can't know where you are! [turns back to cry with Sharon]

Sheila: Oh, this is terrible!

Roger: Go on, kids! Go! Go and don't look back! [turns and hugs his wife. The adults are bawling now. Token is the first to leave, and the other kids follow him]

Randy: Good-bye, kids. We'll... never forget you. [the adults continue crying. Chris pulls out a ram's horn and blows into it a few times]

Stan: Dude, sometimes I think our parents are really stupid.

Kyle: Sometimes....dude our parents are always stupid [the kids all walk together down the street]

Marnie: dude i'm more afraid being out in the streets..

Craig:  Don't worry...i'll look out for you *he smiles* 

[Clyde glares at them while they arrive to a big wall that is surrounding south park, and see a bunch of Mongolian's]

Clyde: who are they? [he says to Token] 

Token: I don't know..they look like Mongolians. 

Clyde: What the fuck is a mongolian? 

Token: I...I don't know.

Butters: I..don't like the look of them fallers. 

[stan walks up to them and they start talking in a strange kinda language]

2 days LATER.

The Monogolians and the kids are in a circle around a fire...roasting animals and eating them, they seem to be able to learn Monoglian in the past 2 days

Leader: Tah tane da ke ab kahleh kalabush.

Stan: Bi ologad bag, big nan dastai. [the Mongolians laugh]

Mongolian: [in blue] De bandig baeakhalah?

Cartman: Tawya mea pleda cleah bleah.

Tweek: Triben fak burushban.

All: Shain balag!

Clyde: [whispers to craig] what the hell are they talking about?

Craig: I don't know

Token: I think they want us to help team destroy the wall. 

Clyde: oh.

[The boys go grab a bunch of bombs and helping the Mongolians collect a bunch of fireworks, while the girls stand back and watch them]

Marnie: girls...i'm scared of loud blowing up sounds.  

Wendy: me too. 

Bebe: luckily we can keep out of it. 

Pre school girl: I WANNA GO HOME [she starts crying] 

[while Thoung is being all retarded like and resumes his dance. Seeing Tuong engrossed in his dance, the children move some explosives to a spot against the wall. Token peeks to make sure everything is in place. The kids then walk back to the Mongolians, past Tuong...]

Tuong: Oh Crap. [the explosives blow up, knocking Tuong towards the Mongolians and leaving a big gap in the wall. The kids and the Mongolians have a good laugh. The adults in town come to see the commotion]

Randy:	What's going on?
Liane:	I heard an explosion.
Tuong:	[battered, comes into view] God-damned Mongolians attacked city wall again! [The kids and the Mongolians have a good laugh again.]
Man in Back:	Mongolians?
Randy:	What the hell are they doin' here?! Rabble! Rabble rabble!
Adults:	Rabble rabble rabble rabble!
Richard:	Wait a minute. Those Mongolians are... our children. [a shot of the kids and Mongolians]
Sheila:	Ike? Kyle?
Sharon:	My son has become a Mongolian? No! Noooo!! [buries her head in Randy's chest]
Richard:	Oh God. What have we done? We sent our children away, and now they don't even remember who they are.
Mr. Donovan:	Kids? Don't you remember us?
Randy:	Wait wait. I learned some Mongolian in college. [steps forth] Ah, let's see. Uh. K-kids, uh, Bi kute. Bi salnek kute. Uh-d tah tasobarro.
Stan:	["Budu e noo"] Oh my God, our parents are so stupid, dude. [squeezes his eyes shut and buries his face in his right hand]
Randy:	Bi kute.
Mr. Donovan:	We are your parents. You used to live here, with us.
Kyle:	Yeah, it was like four days ago!
Richard:	They're starting to remember.
Randy:	[walks quickly and kneels next to Stan] Staaan. Your name... is Staaan!
Stan:	Uh huh, Stan Marsh.
Randy:	[holds Stan firmly] That's it! Remember, son! Rememmmber! [the rest of the parents rush out and hug their own kids, crying in relief]
Richard:	We're sorry, Tweek!
Mr. Donovan:	Are you okay, Clyde?
Chris:	[Butters' parents hug the wrong person - the Mongolian leader] Oh, son, can you ever forgive us?
Butters:	Huh, I'm over here, Dad.
Chris:	Oh. [he and Linda rush to hug him]
Sheila:	We're sorry, kids. We just let all those sensationalist news reports go to our heads.
Richard:	Oh my God, do you see what this means? The Ghost of Human Kindness was right all along.
Mr. Donovan:	You mean how he said we should trust each other, or how he abducted children?
Richard:	The uh... no, the part about being more trusting. We should follow what he said, not what he did.
Adults:	Wow, yeah. Oh yeah.
Randy:	No, no. You know who was right all along? The Mongolians. [a shot of the Mongolians] They knew that you just can't wall yourself off from the outside world. Putting walls up never helps anything. Tearing them down brings us together.
Adults:	Whoa! Wow. Right!
Chris:	Yeah, the Mongolians were right. Yeah.
Tuong:	Aw, you'd better not say what I think you're gonna say.
Mayor McDaniels:	Mr. Lu Kim, tear down this wall!
Tuong:	Oh, God! I hate this whole shitty!
Sharon:	Randy, can we just take our son home now?
Randy:	Yes, kids. [steps forward] With us, now come. Home. Hoomme. [all turn and walk towards town through the gap in the great wall]
Stan:	[to Kyle] Jesus Christ, dude, they've done some stupid crap before, but Jesus Christ. [faces forward and continues walking]

The End!

Bebe's Boobs Destroy Society

Bebe's Boobs Destroy Society

MORNING BEFORE SCHOOL STARTS, MARNIE & KEVIN GETS READY FOR SCHOOL.

Marnie:	[texting craig..."sucks we are back in School today"] Can't believe we have to go back to school..I was enjoying my kinda Vacation.
Kevin:	Yeah same here....uh..why have you been talking to Craig lately...is something between you two or...[he pauses]
Marnie:	Ofcourse not...he wouldn't be interested in me...but we are actually good friends...and cute...but I'm with Clyde remember...so why would you think that [she says nervously]
Kevin:	[crosses arms] umm sure...if you say so
Kevin's Mum:	Common Kids you gonna be late for the bus
Kevin:	Coming mom [he walks out Marnie's room]
Marnie:	[looks annoyed] STUPID SCHOOL!

[South Park Elementary, Fourth Grade. The kids pour into the classroom, chattering. Wendy walks up and starts talking to Red and Jordan] Wendy: I can't believe it's been two weeks since I've seen you guys. What have you been doing? [Bebe walks in] Bebe: Hey guys. Wendy: Hey Bebe. Bebe: You guys uh, [holds out her arms] notice anything different? [looks down at her body] Wendy: [the three girls gaze] Oh my God, Bebe. You got boobs. Bebe: Yeah, they started coming in last week. At first I thought they were just mosquito bites, but, then they didn't go away. Mr. Mackey: [enters the classroom and walks past the girls] M'kay kids, let's take our seats, m'kay? [the girls take their seats] I know this has been a difficult couple o'weeks for you all with the untimely death of your teacher, but it's time for us to try to move on and learn, m'kay? Cartman: Mr. Mackey, I don't think I'm over the teacher's tragic death yet. I need more time. It's just... it still hurts, you know? Can I go home? Mr. Mackey: No. Eric, what we're gonna do is learn to hide our emotions with math problems. [turns, grabs some chalk, and starts writing on the board] M'kay, so let's start with some multiplication tables over here, m'kay. First we'll do uh, four time four, m'kay? Kyle: Dude, look at Bebe. ["We'll move into the five times thing" Bebe is busy taking notes. "We'll try five time three..."] Something seems different about her. Stan: Yeah, I noticed that too. Did she get a haircut or something? Kyle: I don't know. [Bebe continues writing] Clyde: Hey Token. You know, I never noticed before, but that girl Bebe is... kinda cool. Token: I was just thinking the same thing. It's like, she's a girl, but, she's someone you could hang out with. Butters: [pipes up behind Jordan] Yeah. Bebe is kinda cool, huh? [Bebe continues writing] Cartman: Hey Craig, is that the same shirt that that Bebe chick always wears? Craig: I don't know. Why? Cartman: It just... it just seems like a really awesome shirt. Craig: Yeah. It kinda does. [Bebe continues writing, but stops and looks to her right. All the boys are looking at her, all the girls look at the board.] Mr. Mackey: Okay, and so uh, [Bebe is looking back, wondering why the boys keep staring at her] so who can tell me the answer to the first problem, six times eight? Uh, Bebe? Bebe:: [breaks the stare and answers] Oh, uh, forty-eight? All the boys: Whoa. Clyde: That is an awesome answer! All the boys: Yeah! Kyle: Dude! Bebe is really smart! Stan: Yeah. I never noticed that before. Maybe she's actually cool enough to hang out with us. Cartman: Yeah, may be. South Park Elementary, later. Three girls walk to class: Wendy, Bebe, and Red. Wendy is talking Wendy: ...And I was like, "I'm not buying those shoes for twenty dollars." [the girls stop and giggle] Stan: [arriving with a group of boys: Kyle, Cartman, Token, Butters, Tweek, and Clyde] Ah, hey, Bebe. Bebe: Yeah? Stan: Uh, we're gonna throw rocks at cars later on, and we thought maybe you'd like to join us. Bebe: Really? [Wendy and Red look at her] I've never done that before. Butters: [Stan and Kyle part a bit for a better view] Wuuhh, it's really fun.You toss these little rocks at cars, and if the driver gets angry, you blame me. Kyle: Yeah, it's cool. Bebe: Why sure, that sounds hellafun. The boys: Hahahahahaha... Kyle: Yeah. Stan: Hellafun Cartman: Right, heh. Clyde: Wow, hellafun. That's awesome. Token: I'm gonna start saying that now. Stan: Cool. [the boys turn as one and walk back the way the came] We'll see you later, Bebe. Wendy: [Wendy catches up to Stan. The boys are grinning. Stan stops and looks]</> Stan, you've never asked me to throw rocks at cars with you guys. Stan: That's different, dude. You're like, my girlfriend. Bebe's just... I don't know. She's just cool. [turns and walks off] Kyle: [looks over his shoulder] Yeah. She's really cool. [Wendy gets upset] Clyde: It's weird how we never noticed before. [Wendy looks back at Bebe, who just shrugs] MARNIE DOWN THE HALL WITH CRAIG. Marnie: Kinda pissed we are back at school.  Craig: Yeah same.... Clyde: [Clyde walks by] Hey we going to throw rocks at cars .. Craig sure...sounds like fun. [he walks off with the boys] Marnie [looks annoyed] You gotta be kidding me.  Wendy The are want to be with Bebe now [she looks annoyed aswell]  [A hill just outside of town. The boys and Bebe are gathered at the summit] Stan: So what you do, see, is wait for a car to drive by that big pine tree. Then you chuck a rock at it. It's all about the timing. [he throws a rock towards the road and the others look at the trajectory. A blue pick-up truck drives by and is hit.] Driver: You damn kids! Bebe: Cool. Clyde: You try it, Bebe. Bebe: Okay. Token: Here comes a sedan. [Bebe throws a rock at the red sedan and hits it] Driver: You damn kids! The boys: Awesome! Butters: Cool! [close up] That was the most perfect throw I've ever seen. Kyle: That was sweet, Bebe. [shows her another rock and another grip] Now, if you just hold the rock like this, you- Clyde: Yeah. [grabs a hold of the rock and pulls it a bit] Here, it's like if you put your thumb on this side- Kyle: [pulls back] I'm showing her. Clyde: [pulls back] Yeah, just let me show her real quick how to put the thumb and- Kyle: [gives an ape look and smacks Clyde, who lets go of the rock] Hoh! Clyde: [grunts back and moves off] Hoh hoh hoh! [Bebe is stunned at this development] Kyle: Hoh! [watches, then reverts to normal and talks to Bebe. Stan moves in] Anyways, you put a spin on it by holding it here and- Stan: [grabs the rock and demonstrates] Yeah, and then you can actually hold it like this. Now- Kyle: [peeved] Hoh! Hoh hoh hoh hoh! [Bebe backs up, scared] Stan: Hoh hoh hoh! Kyle: Hah hah hah! Craig: [beats his chest] Urh urh urh! [all the boys start grunting and displaying agression] Bebe: Uh. Listen guys, uh, It's five-thirty. I'm supposed to get home, so... I'll see you later. [leaves. The boys continue grunting and putting on displays. She walks faster the farther she moves from the boys. The boys notice her absence and stop] Stan: [beat] ...Wait, what were we doing again? Kyle: We were throwing rocks at cars. The boys: Oh yeah. Cartman: Woohoo. Butters: [points] Uh here comes an SUV. [Token throws a rock and hits the SUV] Jimbo: You damn kids! BACK IN CLASS: The boys: Hi, Bebe. Bebe: Hey everybody. Wendy: [rolls her eyes and rest her head on her right hand] Oh, for Christ's sake! Mr. Mackey: [arriving, puts his textbooks on the teacher's desk] M'kay. Kids, I asked you to write a paper to read aloud for the class. Now, who want to start? [no one volunteers] M'kay, class. Clyde: [picks up his paper and starts] My paper is called, "Why Bebe is the coolest person, ever." Stan: Hey, that's what I wrote about! Butters: Me too! Clyde: [grunts] Hoh! Stan: [grunts and pounds his desk] Hah hah, hah! [the other boys start grunting like apes.] Uuuuh-okay. Go ahead, Clyde. Clyde: [glowers at Stan, then reads] "My friend Bebe is really smart. She tells funny jokes and knows a lot about stuff. She's good at almost everything she tries. She's awesome. The end." [some applause] Mr. Mackey: M'kay, very nice, Clyde. Uh, Token, why don't you read your paper? Token: [picks up his paper and reads] "If I could be Bebe." [Wendy is miffed and rolls her eyes] "If I was Bebe I would have lots of friends because I would be sooo great. I would make people smile and think wherever I went." Mr. Mackey: [takes a moment to think, then] M'kay, interesting, Token, Uh... Who would like to go next? [the rest of the boys raise their hands energetically and make small sounds to get Mackey's attention]Uh how about someone who didn't write about how cool Bebe is? The boys: [softly] Oh. [they lower their hands. Bebe raises hers] Mr. Mackey: M'kay, Bebe? Bebe: [picks up her paper and reads] "My cat Thumper." The boys: Wwooww. Bebe: [sees the reaction and continues reading] "Thumper is gray with a white spot. Sometimes he likes to chase his tail. [the boys break out in laughter] Clyde: Chase his tail? That must be so funny? Bebe: "Thumper is twelve years old. That's pretty old for a cat. The end." The boys: Wwooww! Cartman: God, you know what, that's so true? Because, you sometimes never really think about how old a pet is until it's gone. Craig: That's true, huh? Man, that makes me really reflect on my pet. Stan: That's such a great paper! [starts clapping. The other boys join in the applause] Mr. Mackey: M'kay. Wendy, why don't we hear your paper? Wendy: [picks up her paper and reads] "The new Cold War" Cartman: Oh God! Here we go again! Dork alert! [the boys crack up] AT LUNCH: Marnie Hey Clyde...was wondering if [clyde talks over her]  Clyde: Sorry..busy...I'm hanging with bebe tonight. Marnie: [gets tears in her eyes] whatever asshole. Craig: [walks up] Your ...umm still my favourite female [he walks off] At Wendy's Lunch Table Wendy: But, then the mall closes at four or five o'clock, so who knows w- Clyde: [arrives with Kyle, Token, Craig,Bradley and Francis] Have any of you dumb girls seen Bebe anywhere? Wendy: [angrily] No! Kyle: Maybe she's in the lunch line. The boys: Yeah. Wendy: Can you believe Bebe? She thinks she's so cool all of a sudden. Millie: I can't stand her anymore! She's such a slut! Esther: She's a total slut! Red: You know what I heard? I heard that she made out with eight different boys in one minute. Millie: I heard that she lifted her shirt to the boys at the bus stop. Wendy: I heard that her asshole is this big around. [makes a hole with her hands, thumb touching thumb, the other fingers touching their counterparts on the other hand] Millie and Esther : Wwooww. Bebe: [comes into view] Hey guys. Wendy: Oh, hey Bebe. [fakes a clearing throat] Slut. [again] Slut. Millie: [fakes a clearing throat] Slut. Esther: [fakes a clearing throat] Slut. Millie: [fakes a clearing throat] Slut. Bebe: ...You guys still wanna go ice-skating after school? Wendy: Oh, no, that's okay Bebe. You might trip and then we'd be sucked into your huge gaping vagina like ants into a vacuum cleaner. [fakes a clearing throat] Slut. [again] Slut. Millie: [fakes a clearing throat] Slut. Esther: [fakes a clearing throat] Slut. Red: [fakes a clearing throat] Slut. Wendy: Slut. Millie: [fakes a clearing throat] Slut. [the girls take their trays and leave, giggling] Girls: [out of view] Whore. Slut. Slut. BACK AT BEBE'S OUT Bebe's Mom: Bebe, is something the matter? Bebe: [turns and faces her mom] Oh Mom, it's just... My girlfriends at school said some really mean things to me today. [faces the window again and rests her head on her right hand] They called me a slut, with a huge gaping vagina. Bebe's Mom: [approaches] Oh, sweetie. You're all just growing up. [begins to stroke Bebe's hair] Part of being a woman is having a friend one day and calling her a slut the next. Bebe: But am I slutty just because I'm beginning to be friends with guys? I mean, they just like me because they think I'm smart and cool. Bebe: I remember when I was a little girl the boys didn't think I was very smart at all. But then one day, they all started thinking I was really smart. I guess big smarts just run in our family. Bebe: Well if the girls don't wanna be my friend, that's fine! [rests her head on her hands] Guys are way cooler, anyways. IN THE HALL: Wendy: What are you doing?! Clyde: We're tryin' to get Bebe to run for class president. Wendy: I'm class president! The vote was last fall! Craig: Well, yeah, but Wendy, you have to admit, Bebe's a lot smarter and more organized than you. Token: [gushing] Yeah. We need a leader like Bebe. She can teach us all so much. The Other Boys: Uh huh. Wendy: She's not smarter and cooler than everyone, you guys are just drawn to something else! [the boys just look at her] Clyde: What? Wendy: Ugh! God, you guys are sooo stupid! [walks away in a funk] Butters: [puts his fists on his hips] Stupider than Bebe! Clyde: Yeah! Craig: Yeah! Butters: Huh Bebe's cool, huh. Huh, fellas? Clyde: Yeah! Butters: Yeah! Craig: Sure is! Butters: Uhyep.

LATER AT BEBE'S HOUSE

Kyle:	I can't wait to watch Terrance & Phillip with Bebe.
Stan:	Yeah. [they arrive, but find four other boys arriving at the same time: Timmy, Kevin,Bradley and Francis ] Where are you guys going?
Bradley:	We're going to see our friend Bebe.
Stan:	Bebe is our friend. Didn't you all get the memo?
Francis:	Bebe is everybody's friend.
Kevin:	Yeah. God put Bebe on earth to enrich everyone's lives.
Stan:	[steps forward and grunts] Hoh!
Kyle:	[steps forward and grunts] Hoh hoh hoh!
Kevin:	Arf arf!
Francis:	Arf! [a few more grunts are heard]
Timmy:	Arf! Ah Timmah! Timmah-ar-argh!
Stan:	Aw alright, I guess we can all watch Terrance & Phillip together. [goes and knocks on the door]
Bebe's Mom:	Oh, hello, boys.
Stan:	Is Bebe home?
Bebe's Mom:	No, she's with one of her little friends. But she should be back shortly if you boys wanna wait.
Bradley:	Who is she with?
Bebe's Mom:	I believe she is playing "Lambs" over at Eric Cartman's house.
Stan:	Cartman's?

AT WENDY'S

Wendy:	I'm so over Bebe..making the boys go crazy [she looks angry]
Marnie:	I'm so fed up with Clyde too...he so left me for that slut.
Wendy:	Stan Too.
Marnie:	[starts crying] I've had enough of this boob shit.

LATER WHILE BEBE IS SLEEPING:

Right Breast:	The boys are at war. All is going as planned.
Left Breast:	Yes. Soon all the boys will be brought to their knees.
Right Breast:	We grow larger every day.
Left Breast:	And stronger.
Right Breast:	Soon the entire tow- [Bebe awakens]
Left Breast:	Sh! Sh! She's awake!
Right Breast:	Ah, quiet.
Bebe:	[shrieks and kicks her blanket off] MOM!! MOM!!
Mrs. Stevens:	[rushes to Bebe's room and enters] What is it, Bebe?
Bebe:	[scared] My breasts!
Mrs. Stevens:	[approaches the bed, sits, and holds her] Oh, sweetheart, you're just becoming a young lady.
Bebe:	No, they're conspiring! Mom, they were talking! They wanna destroy the town!
Mrs. Stevens:	[beat] Yes, darling, your breasts have a power that will unleash itself as you get older. They feed off the misery of boys and grow to bring woe wherever they can. You're blossoming into a woman.[hugs her]
Bebe:	That does it! I'm NOT letting these things run my life!

IN CLASS THE NEXT MORNING, THE BOYS ARE STILL IN THEIR DOG FORM:

Mr. Mackey:	M'kay. Kids, we need to talk about your failing grades.
Clyde:	[in primal mode] Bebe! Where Bebe?! Bebe! Bebe! [he and a few others grunt a bit]
Mr. Mackey:	M'kay, we all need to start studying more and fighting less, m'kay? [the grunts start up again]
Marnie:	That's It...i had it with you Clyde.
Stan:	Ahta! [more grunts. Bebe enters wearing a cardboard box over her clothes. The boys quiet down]
Bebe:	Hey guys. [a few boys grunt back with "Hi!!" "Hey." "Hm." as she heads for her seat. The boys are confused]
Craig:	Have you guys noticed that Bebe isn't as cool as she used to be? [Bebe smiles at her uncoolness]
Token:	Yeah. What the hell happened to us?
Stan:	Oh my God. I get it now. It was Bebe's boobs.
Cartman:	Bebe's boobs?
Bebe:	Oh cool! It worked!
Stan:	Don't you guys see? Boobs... do something to our brains. They fill our brains with illusions.
Kyle:	Sssss-so ...Bebe ...didn't become smart and cool? It was just her boobs?
Bebe:	Yes!
Cartman:	So, Bebe is actually just as lame as she ever was?
Bebe:	Right. My boobs just clouded your judgment.
Kyle:	But that sucks. I don't want something to have that much power over me.
Stan:	I don't think it will, you guys, as long as we realize it. We must learn to control their power over us.
Clyde:	Yeah. Screw boobs! They're stupid!
Craig:	I'm sorry for fighting, you guys. [all the boys leave their seats and start apologizing to each other, hugging each other]
Mr. Mackey:	[moved by this display of affection] Aw, that's so sweet, m'kay?
Clyde:	Let's never let boobs come between us again!
The Boys:	Hear Hear!
Kyle:	Boobs are stupid!
Wendy:	[enters with her new, ample implants] Hi, everybody. [the boys look at her for a long while, then start laughing heartily. Wendy is stunned at the response]
Clyde:	Look at those ridiculous things!
Butters:	[steps up and touches the left breast] Oooo, they're all hard and oogey!
Cartman:	What a stupid bitch! [the boys start laughing again. Butters is laughing hard, but realizes that his finger is still on Wendy's breast]

LUNCH AFTER THAT CLASS

Wendy:	Everything I Do...it just doesn't work out. [she looks at her boobs] I'm gonna go take these out...bye girls
Marnie:	whatever i'm never going to forgive Clyde [she crosses her arms]
Craig:	[enters the room] Hey Mar...sorry if I ignored you for that lame Bebe...I never spoke to her ever till now..[he hugs her]
Marnie:	[she stops the tears but still is upset] thanks craig...at least you still spoke to me..while being some kind of ... well...whatever it was.
Craig:	I have no idea.
	[clyde see's them concern, wendy goes takes her boobs out and forgives Stan...and bebe goes back to being her lame self]