Child Abduction is Not Funny

Child Abduction is Not Funny

At the Stoley Kevin's Parent's are watching the news about Child Abduction...during the time Tweek was flicking through like a scared rabbit.

TV: And it seems there's a new danger to look out for: children who are taken by strangers. The bottom line: children are not safe... in their own homes!

Kevin:  What Do You Mean? We ain't safe in our own house. 

Marnie:  It's all bull crap, trying to scare us and make news....uh I hope [she says nervously] 

Kevin: Lets...just hope so ay. 

Ms Stoely: It's time for bed kids. 

Later That Night In Marnie's Bedroom.

It's nighttime and Marnie is has a nightmare about every adult got taken away by aliens then all the kids get abducted by zombies

Marnie: [wakes up]  w..what the hell? [she gets out of bed and heads into kitchen to get a glass of water, it's 2pm in the middle of the night and she hears police cars outside her street] whaa?  [she runs outside and see's everyone in town outside there house in their Pjs.] 

Officer: Alright Johnson, give it up!

Ghost Of Human Kindness: [strikes his scepter to the ground with each expletive] Damn! Damn! Damn! Damn! [four officers close in with guns drawn. Tweek steps aside] Oh, I was so close!

Tweek: What the hell is going on?

Ms Tweek:  Tweek, Tweek, are you okay?

Richard: Did he hurt you, son?

Tweek: No. 

Detective: Then we aren't too late. His name is Frederick Johnson. He's been abducting children by dressing up like the Ghost of Human Kindness for over a year now.

Ghost Of Human Kindness: And I would have gotten away with it again if it weren't for you meddling policemen! 

Liane: What's going on?

Sharon: A stranger was caught trying to abduct the Tweek boy.

Shelia: the Broflovskis arrive in their pajamas] An abductor in our town?

Tom: Oh my God, what are we gonna do?

Marnie: [walks up to Kevin, Craig & Clyde]  w-what is happening? 

Kevin:  I don't know...the news guy was right. 

Craig:  That sucks.

Clyde: Yeah and he tried to rape and take Tweek into his van.

Marnie:  Oh my god...poor Tweek

Tom: Son...we are going home...you can talk to your little friends tomorrow. 

Craig: ok.

The next day...the parents gave everyone child tracker to wear on there heads when they ain't home...later on that day the boys come back to a baseball game with no team...the  boys are annoyed but the parents are all having a good time.

Jimbo: [raises a mug of beer] South Park Cows do it again!
Sharon: Congratulations on your victory, boys. [Cartman is already eating a slice of pizza]
Kyle: Dude, we weren't playing anybody.
Randy: Yeah, and you kicked ass!
Roger: Isn't it awesome havin' a great wall around our city? Nobody in town except for our good friends.
Richard: [calling attention to the TV] Guys! Sh, quiet everyone. [the news is on]
TV NEWS: in gray jacket] And this newest study reveals more about child abductions than we apparently knew before, Tom. [the adults move closer to the TV]
Sharon: Turn it up.

TV Tom: That's right, Chris. This newest study shows that the majority of child abductions are NOT committed by strangers, but by somebody the child knows in their own town. [the adults start looking at the others around them, at each other.] The report further states that it is because the child trusts the individual that problems occur in the first place.
TV Chris: Well, I guess this means the enemy is in our own backyard, so to speak.
TV Tom: Sure does, Tom.
TV Chris: Alright, thanks, Chris. Is the weather going to turn su- [click. The parents go to their kids and they depart one by one]

Richard: Well, if you'll all excuse us, I think we'll be going now. [takes Tweek, and the family leaves. Stan, Kyle, and Cartman remain, eating]
Gerald: [walks up] Yeah. Come along, Kyle [the Broflovskis leave. Stan and Cartman remain]
Sharon: Stanley, time for us to get back to the house.
Stan: [mouth full] I'm not done with my pizza.
Sharon: NOW, Stanley! 
Roger: Yes come along Clyde [he grabs clyde] 

THE TUCKERS

   

It's the night afterwards and Craig is hanging out with Marnie, watching Red Racer, while there parents are home...

Craig: wow now that was a good episode.

Marnie: have'nt you seen it before?

Craig: yes...like 5 times [Marnie laughs] 

Tom: Craig...your friend's parents want her home right now.

Craig: dude...no...you guys are dumb. 

Tom: Craig...we are doing this for your safety, do you want her parents to take you away and abduct you. 

Marnie: WHAT? they wouldn't do that...

Tom:  it's for Craig and your safety. 

Marnie:  I suppose...i'll be leaving...see ya Craig [she walks out the door, and heads home]

Craig: [craig glares at his dad] Dude...I'm trying to impress this chick you..see and [Tom just stops him before he can finish] 

Tom: CRAIG! just go up to your room and lock all the windows.

[South Park Elementary. The bell rings and the class begins. Mr. Mackey is at the board. ]

Mr Mackey: M'kay, kids, so, now, who can tell me what year the first moon landing took place? [a shot of the class with all parents present] Uh, how about you, Clyde?

Roger:  whispers into Clyde's ear] Nineteen six-

Mr Mackey:  No helping! [Roger looks around, embarrassed, and stands up] M'kay, I'm not really sure havin' all the parents here is a good idea, m'kay?

Richard: Well, maybe things could be better if we could trust people like the Stotches!

Chris: Us? Your family's all be the shifty-eyed ones!

Richard: Oh Yeah? [the parents start to ague]

Mr Mackey: Oh, this is too much to take. [goes to his desk, where his own parents wait, and sits down.] Mom, Dad, could you please leave me alone?

Mr Mackey's Dad:  We just wanna make sure nobody hurts you, Junior, m'kay?

Mr Mackey: M'kay.

South Park, next day. The families gather on a neighborhood street. The parents are hugging their kids

Randy: [hands Stan some money] Here you go, Stanley. This should hold you over for three years.

Stan:   But why do I have to leave?

Randy: The news says that at your age you aren't safe with us, son. You have to get out of here before we abduct you.

Sharon: Good-bye, son. [hugs Stan and sobs softly] Remember to eat right.

Gerald: [wistfully] Look out for your brother, Kyle. You're the man now.

Sheila: Oh, boys! Don't ever forget that we love you! [Gerald hugs Kyle, Sheila hugs Ike. They begin to cry, and the other adults follow. They leave their kids and huddle, then turn around, crying all the while]

Linda:  Be careful out there!

Stan: Where are we supposed to go?

Randy: We can't tell you because we can't know where you are! [turns back to cry with Sharon]

Sheila: Oh, this is terrible!

Roger: Go on, kids! Go! Go and don't look back! [turns and hugs his wife. The adults are bawling now. Token is the first to leave, and the other kids follow him]

Randy: Good-bye, kids. We'll... never forget you. [the adults continue crying. Chris pulls out a ram's horn and blows into it a few times]

Stan: Dude, sometimes I think our parents are really stupid.

Kyle: Sometimes....dude our parents are always stupid [the kids all walk together down the street]

Marnie: dude i'm more afraid being out in the streets..

Craig:  Don't worry...i'll look out for you *he smiles* 

[Clyde glares at them while they arrive to a big wall that is surrounding south park, and see a bunch of Mongolian's]

Clyde: who are they? [he says to Token] 

Token: I don't know..they look like Mongolians. 

Clyde: What the fuck is a mongolian? 

Token: I...I don't know.

Butters: I..don't like the look of them fallers. 

[stan walks up to them and they start talking in a strange kinda language]

2 days LATER.

The Monogolians and the kids are in a circle around a fire...roasting animals and eating them, they seem to be able to learn Monoglian in the past 2 days

Leader: Tah tane da ke ab kahleh kalabush.

Stan: Bi ologad bag, big nan dastai. [the Mongolians laugh]

Mongolian: [in blue] De bandig baeakhalah?

Cartman: Tawya mea pleda cleah bleah.

Tweek: Triben fak burushban.

All: Shain balag!

Clyde: [whispers to craig] what the hell are they talking about?

Craig: I don't know

Token: I think they want us to help team destroy the wall. 

Clyde: oh.

[The boys go grab a bunch of bombs and helping the Mongolians collect a bunch of fireworks, while the girls stand back and watch them]

Marnie: girls...i'm scared of loud blowing up sounds.  

Wendy: me too. 

Bebe: luckily we can keep out of it. 

Pre school girl: I WANNA GO HOME [she starts crying] 

[while Thoung is being all retarded like and resumes his dance. Seeing Tuong engrossed in his dance, the children move some explosives to a spot against the wall. Token peeks to make sure everything is in place. The kids then walk back to the Mongolians, past Tuong...]

Tuong: Oh Crap. [the explosives blow up, knocking Tuong towards the Mongolians and leaving a big gap in the wall. The kids and the Mongolians have a good laugh. The adults in town come to see the commotion]

Randy:	What's going on?
Liane:	I heard an explosion.
Tuong:	[battered, comes into view] God-damned Mongolians attacked city wall again! [The kids and the Mongolians have a good laugh again.]
Man in Back:	Mongolians?
Randy:	What the hell are they doin' here?! Rabble! Rabble rabble!
Adults:	Rabble rabble rabble rabble!
Richard:	Wait a minute. Those Mongolians are... our children. [a shot of the kids and Mongolians]
Sheila:	Ike? Kyle?
Sharon:	My son has become a Mongolian? No! Noooo!! [buries her head in Randy's chest]
Richard:	Oh God. What have we done? We sent our children away, and now they don't even remember who they are.
Mr. Donovan:	Kids? Don't you remember us?
Randy:	Wait wait. I learned some Mongolian in college. [steps forth] Ah, let's see. Uh. K-kids, uh, Bi kute. Bi salnek kute. Uh-d tah tasobarro.
Stan:	["Budu e noo"] Oh my God, our parents are so stupid, dude. [squeezes his eyes shut and buries his face in his right hand]
Randy:	Bi kute.
Mr. Donovan:	We are your parents. You used to live here, with us.
Kyle:	Yeah, it was like four days ago!
Richard:	They're starting to remember.
Randy:	[walks quickly and kneels next to Stan] Staaan. Your name... is Staaan!
Stan:	Uh huh, Stan Marsh.
Randy:	[holds Stan firmly] That's it! Remember, son! Rememmmber! [the rest of the parents rush out and hug their own kids, crying in relief]
Richard:	We're sorry, Tweek!
Mr. Donovan:	Are you okay, Clyde?
Chris:	[Butters' parents hug the wrong person - the Mongolian leader] Oh, son, can you ever forgive us?
Butters:	Huh, I'm over here, Dad.
Chris:	Oh. [he and Linda rush to hug him]
Sheila:	We're sorry, kids. We just let all those sensationalist news reports go to our heads.
Richard:	Oh my God, do you see what this means? The Ghost of Human Kindness was right all along.
Mr. Donovan:	You mean how he said we should trust each other, or how he abducted children?
Richard:	The uh... no, the part about being more trusting. We should follow what he said, not what he did.
Adults:	Wow, yeah. Oh yeah.
Randy:	No, no. You know who was right all along? The Mongolians. [a shot of the Mongolians] They knew that you just can't wall yourself off from the outside world. Putting walls up never helps anything. Tearing them down brings us together.
Adults:	Whoa! Wow. Right!
Chris:	Yeah, the Mongolians were right. Yeah.
Tuong:	Aw, you'd better not say what I think you're gonna say.
Mayor McDaniels:	Mr. Lu Kim, tear down this wall!
Tuong:	Oh, God! I hate this whole shitty!
Sharon:	Randy, can we just take our son home now?
Randy:	Yes, kids. [steps forward] With us, now come. Home. Hoomme. [all turn and walk towards town through the gap in the great wall]
Stan:	[to Kyle] Jesus Christ, dude, they've done some stupid crap before, but Jesus Christ. [faces forward and continues walking]

The End!